Imagine a place where laughter echoes through the air, adrenaline pumps through your veins, and childhood dreams come to life.

Welcome to Funtown Splashtown USA, Maine’s premier amusement park!

Nestled in the charming coastal town of Saco, Funtown Splashtown USA is a hidden gem that’s been delighting visitors for decades.

This isn’t just any run-of-the-mill amusement park; it’s a double whammy of fun and excitement that’ll make you feel like a kid again, even if you’re pushing 40 (or 50, or 60 – who’s counting?).

As you approach the entrance, you’ll be greeted by a colorful sign that practically screams “Fun Ahead!”

It’s like the pearly gates of amusement, if St. Peter wore a clown nose and handed out cotton candy.

The park is divided into two main areas: Funtown, the traditional amusement park section, and Splashtown, the water park that’ll have you questioning why you ever thought a regular swimming pool was exciting.

Let’s start with Funtown, shall we?

This is where the real thrill-seekers come to play.

The crown jewel of Funtown is undoubtedly Excalibur, the only wooden roller coaster in Maine.

Now, I know what you’re thinking – “A wooden roller coaster? Isn’t that like riding a rickety old wagon down a mountain?”

But let me tell you, this isn’t your great-grandfather’s coaster.

Excalibur stands tall at 100 feet, with drops that’ll make your stomach do somersaults and turns that’ll have you questioning the laws of physics.

It’s like being on a medieval jousting horse, if that horse had a need for speed and a penchant for defying gravity.

As you climb the first hill, you’ll have just enough time to question your life choices before plummeting down at speeds of up to 55 mph.

It’s the kind of ride that’ll have you screaming, laughing, and possibly praying – sometimes all at once.

But don’t worry, the ride operators are trained professionals who’ve seen it all, from white-knuckled grandmas to toddlers who are somehow taller than you.

If wooden coasters aren’t your cup of tea (or you prefer your tea without a side of adrenaline), Funtown has plenty of other attractions to keep you entertained.

Take the Thunder Falls Log Flume, for instance.

It’s like a lazy river decided to have an identity crisis and became a thrill ride.

You’ll float along peacefully, admiring the scenery, when suddenly – whoosh! – you’re plummeting down a 30-foot drop, creating a splash that’ll make you wonder if you accidentally wandered into Splashtown.

It’s the perfect ride for those hot summer days when you want to cool off but also want to question your life choices.

And let me tell you, this isn’t your average log ride.

It’s like Mother Nature and a roller coaster engineer had a brainstorming session over a pot of strong coffee.

You’ll find yourself navigating twists and turns that would make a GPS throw in the towel.

The anticipation builds as you climb that final hill, your knuckles turning white as you grip the safety bar.

Then, just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, gravity decides to remind you who’s boss.

It’s the kind of experience that’ll have you laughing, screaming, and possibly inventing new words that would make your grandmother blush.

For those who prefer to keep their feet firmly on the ground (or at least closer to it), the Astrosphere is a must-try.

Picture this: a classic Scrambler ride, but inside a dome with a mind-bending light show.

It’s like being inside a kaleidoscope that’s been programmed by a DJ on a sugar high.

The lights, the music, the spinning – it’s sensory overload in the best possible way.

You’ll stumble out feeling like you’ve just attended a rave hosted by NASA.

Now, let’s mosey on over to Splashtown, where the real water-based shenanigans begin.

If Funtown is the adrenaline junkie’s paradise, Splashtown is where you go to cool off and question your decision to wear that white t-shirt.

The star of the show here is undoubtedly Mount Olympus, a towering complex of water slides that’ll make you feel like a Greek god – if Greek gods wore swim trunks and carried inflatable tubes.

There are four different slides to choose from, each with its own unique twist (literally and figuratively).

The Cyclone is a high-speed body slide that’ll have you wondering if you’ve accidentally entered a human-sized washing machine.

The Python is a twisting, turning adventure that’ll make you sympathize with your socks in the dryer.

For those who prefer their thrills with a side of companionship, there’s the Poseidon’s Plunge.

This massive slide allows you to race your friends (or complete strangers – we don’t judge) down a multi-lane slide.

It’s like the 100-meter dash, but wetter and with more screaming.

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If you’re looking for something a bit more relaxed (or if you’re still recovering from your Astrosphere experience), the Triton’s Twist is a gentle tube ride that’ll give you time to catch your breath and maybe even work on your tan.

Just be prepared for the occasional splash – this isn’t a ride for those who want to keep their hair dry.

For the little ones (or the young at heart), Pirate’s Paradise is a water playground that’s like a nautical-themed obstacle course.

With slides, sprayers, and a giant tipping bucket that dumps water on unsuspecting visitors, it’s the perfect place to let your inner swashbuckler run wild.

Just don’t be surprised if you find yourself saying “Arrr” more than usual for the rest of the day.

Now, I know what you’re thinking – “All this excitement sounds great, but what about when I need to refuel?”

Fear not, hungry adventurers, for Funtown Splashtown USA has you covered.

Scattered throughout the park are various eateries that’ll satisfy even the pickiest of palates.

From classic amusement park fare like hot dogs and cotton candy to more substantial meals, you’ll find something to keep your energy up for that next big ride.

Just maybe wait a bit after eating before tackling Excalibur – unless you want to contribute to the park’s “organic fertilizer” program, if you catch my drift.

One of the great things about Funtown Splashtown USA is its size.

It’s big enough to keep you entertained all day, but not so massive that you’ll need a GPS to find your way back to the parking lot.

It’s the Goldilocks of amusement parks – just right.

And speaking of just right, let’s talk about the staff.

The employees at Funtown Splashtown USA are like the unsung heroes of your day out.

They’re the ones making sure your harness is secure, your tube is inflated, and your funnel cake is properly dusted with powdered sugar.

They’ve seen it all – from overexcited kids to adults who suddenly remember they’re afraid of heights halfway up the Excalibur.

These folks deserve a medal, or at least a really big tip jar.

As the day winds down and the sun starts to set, you might find yourself feeling a bit nostalgic.

Maybe it’s the sugar crash from all that cotton candy, or maybe it’s the realization that you’ve just had one of the best days of your summer.

Either way, take a moment to soak it all in.

Look around at the families making memories, the couples on their first dates, the groups of friends laughing over their shared experiences.

This is what Funtown Splashtown USA is all about – creating moments of joy that’ll stick with you long after the sunburn fades.

Now, I know what some of you might be thinking – “An amusement park? In Maine? Isn’t that state all about lobsters and lighthouses?”

And to that, I say: why not both?

Funtown Splashtown USA is proof that Maine isn’t just about scenic coastlines and seafood (though those are pretty great too).

It’s about embracing the fun, letting loose, and maybe screaming your head off on a roller coaster or two.

It’s the kind of place that reminds you that life is too short to always be serious.

Sometimes, you need to put on those ridiculous water shoes, slather on some sunscreen, and hurtle down a water slide at speeds that would make your mother nervous.

As you leave the park, clothes still damp and hair a mess, you might find yourself already planning your next visit.

Maybe you’ll try that one ride you were too chicken to go on this time.

Maybe you’ll finally master the art of eating a funnel cake without getting powdered sugar all over your shirt.

Or maybe you’ll just come back to relive the magic all over again.

Because that’s the thing about Funtown Splashtown USA – it’s not just a one-time experience.

It’s a place that grows with you, a place that’s just as exciting on your tenth visit as it was on your first.

It’s a testament to the enduring appeal of good, old-fashioned fun.

So, whether you’re a Maine local looking for a staycation adventure or a visitor seeking something beyond the typical tourist traps, make sure to put Funtown Splashtown USA on your must-visit list.

It’s more than just an amusement park – it’s a rite of passage, a memory maker, and quite possibly the most fun you can have while getting completely soaked.

Just remember to bring a change of clothes, a sense of adventure, and maybe a little extra sunscreen.

Trust me, your inner child (and your outer adult) will thank you.

For more information about operating hours, ticket prices, and special events, be sure to visit Funtown Splashtown USA’s official website or Facebook page.

And don’t forget to use this map to plan your thrilling journey to this Maine marvel of merriment!

Where: 774 Portland Rd, Saco, ME 04072

Life’s a roller coaster – might as well enjoy the ride at Funtown Splashtown USA!