While the Sunshine State might be known for its oranges, we’ve got a creamy secret hiding in plain sight.

It’s time to ditch the green smoothies and embrace the glorious, gut-busting world of retro milkshakes.

These aren’t your average dairy delights, folks.

We’re talking about time machines disguised as desserts.

So, grab your poodle skirt or roll up those T-shirt sleeves, because we’re about to embark on a sugary journey through 6 of Florida’s most fantastically retro milkshake spots!

1. Jaxson’s Ice Cream Parlour (Dania Beach)

Holy moly, would you look at this place?

Jaxson’s Ice Cream Parlour is like stepping into a carnival that decided to settle down and open an ice cream shop.

With its red and white striped awnings and twinkling lights, it’s as if the 1950s threw up all over this joint – in the best possible way, of course.

Now, let’s talk about their milkshakes.

These aren’t your run-of-the-mill, slapped-together dairy concoctions.

Oh no, sir.

These are works of art that just happen to be edible.

They come in flavors that’ll make your taste buds do the Lindy Hop.

We’re talking classic vanilla that’s smoother than a greased-up Elvis hairdo, chocolate richer than your uncle who invested in Apple in the ’80s, and strawberry so fresh you’ll swear they have a berry patch out back.

But here’s the kicker – Jaxson’s doesn’t just stop at flavor.

They go big.

How big, you ask?

Well, let’s just say their “Kitchen Sink” sundae comes with a literal kitchen sink.

Okay, maybe not literal, but it’s big enough that you might need to wash up in it afterward.

And the atmosphere?

It’s like being in a time warp where everyone’s happy and nobody’s checking their phones.

You’ve got families sharing giant sundaes, couples on first dates trying not to get ice cream on their noses, and kids with eyes wider than their stomachs trying to decide between 40 flavors.

So, if you find yourself in Dania Beach with a hankering for a shake that’ll make your dentist weep and your cardiologist faint, Jaxson’s is your spot.

Just remember to bring your appetite and maybe a pair of stretchy pants.

Trust me, you’ll thank me later.

2. Larry’s Ice Cream & Gelatos (St. Pete Beach)

Alright, folks, buckle up your taste buds because we’re heading to Larry’s Ice Cream & Gelatos in St. Pete Beach.

This place is like the love child of a 1950s soda fountain and a Florida beach party – and let me tell you, it’s a beautiful union.

First things first, can we talk about that yellow and white exterior?

It’s brighter than a Florida retiree’s new set of dentures and twice as charming.

And that vintage car parked out front?

It’s not just for show – it’s actually a time machine that transports you back to simpler times as soon as you lay eyes on it.

Okay, I made that last part up, but it might as well be true.

Now, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty – the milkshakes.

Larry’s doesn’t just make milkshakes; they craft liquid happiness.

These shakes are thicker than a Florida thunderstorm and smoother than a con artist at a retiree bingo night.

They come in flavors that’ll make your grandma’s recipe book look like it needs an update.

But here’s the real scoop – Larry’s isn’t just about ice cream.

They’ve got gelato too!

It’s like they couldn’t decide whether to be all-American or Italian, so they said, “Eh, why not both?”

And let me tell you, it works.

It’s a cultural mash-up that’s more successful than your cousin’s attempt at fusion cuisine.

The best part?

You can enjoy your creamy concoction while sitting outside, soaking up that Florida sun.

Just be careful – between the brain freeze from the shake and the heat stroke from the sun, you might end up more confused than a snowbird during rush hour.

So, if you find yourself in St. Pete Beach with a craving for something sweet and a desire to pretend you’re in an episode of “Happy Days,” Larry’s is your spot.

Just remember to bring your sunscreen and your sweet tooth – both will get a workout here.

3. Frostbite Ice Cream & More (Frostproof)

Hold onto your hot pants, folks, because we’re sliding into Frostbite Ice Cream & More in Frostproof.

Yes, you read that right – Frostbite in Frostproof.

It’s like they’re daring Mother Nature to bring on the heat.

Spoiler alert: in Florida, she always does.

This place looks like it was plucked straight out of a 1960s postcard, complete with a sign that’s more colorful than a flamingo’s blush.

It’s the kind of joint where you half expect to see the Fonz walk in and give everyone a thumbs up.

Eyy!

Now, let’s talk shakes.

These aren’t your run-of-the-mill, watered-down excuses for dairy desserts.

No siree, Bob!

These shakes are thicker than the plot of a soap opera and twice as dramatic.

They come in flavors that’ll make your taste buds do the Twist.

We’re talking classics like vanilla and chocolate, sure, but also wild concoctions that sound like they were invented by a sugar-high five-year-old with a chemistry set.

But here’s the real cherry on top – the “and More” part of their name isn’t just for show.

They’ve got a menu longer than a Florida gator and just as likely to surprise you.

Hot dogs, burgers, fries – it’s like they couldn’t decide whether to be an ice cream parlor or a diner, so they said, “Why not both?”

It’s the kind of indecision we can all get behind.

The best part?

You can enjoy your frosty treat while sitting outside, watching the world go by.

Just be prepared for some serious people-watching.

Between the tourists trying to figure out how to eat a shake without a spoon and the locals who look like they’ve been coming here since the place opened, it’s better than any reality TV show.

So, if you find yourself in Frostproof (and let’s be honest, with a name like that, how could you not visit?), swing by Frostbite.

It’s the perfect place to cool down, carb up, and pretend you’re in a time when “social media” meant talking to your neighbors over the fence.

Just remember to bring your appetite and your sense of humor – you’ll need both here.

4. Twistee Treat (Various locations)

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, step right up to the wackiest, most whimsical ice cream joint this side of Willy Wonka’s factory – Twistee Treat!

This isn’t just an ice cream shop, folks.

Oh no, it’s a giant soft-serve cone that decided to set up shop and sling shakes.

It’s like someone took an ice cream truck, pumped it full of steroids, and said, “You know what? Let’s make it stationary.”

Now, I know what you’re thinking.

“A building shaped like an ice cream cone? That’s nuts!”

And you’re right.

It is nuts.

It’s also brilliant.

It’s the architectural equivalent of wearing your heart on your sleeve, except in this case, it’s wearing its ice cream on its… well, everything.

But let’s not get distracted by the eye-catching exterior.

We’re here for the milkshakes, and boy oh boy, does Twistee Treat deliver.

These shakes are smoother than a con man’s sales pitch and more satisfying than finding a parking spot at the beach on a holiday weekend.

They’ve got your classic flavors, sure.

But they also have concoctions that sound like they were invented by a mad scientist with a sweet tooth.

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Blue raspberry?

Check.

Cotton candy?

You bet.

Peanut butter banana?

It’s like Elvis himself is running the blender.

And here’s the kicker – you can get these delightful dairy disasters at various locations across Florida.

It’s like a scavenger hunt, except instead of clues, you’re following a trail of brain freezes and sugar highs.

The best part?

When you’re standing there, slurping down your shake, you can’t help but feel like you’re part of something bigger.

You’re not just drinking a milkshake; you’re participating in a grand tradition of American kitsch and over-the-top desserts.

It’s patriotism you can taste!

So, next time you’re cruising down a Florida highway and you see a giant ice cream cone looming on the horizon, don’t question your sanity.

Just pull over, embrace the absurdity, and treat yourself to a Twistee Treat shake.

Your inner child (and your outer adult) will thank you.

5. Dairy Belle Ice Cream (Dania Beach)

Alright, ice cream aficionados, strap in because we’re about to take a trip to Dairy Belle Ice Cream in Dania Beach.

This place is like the Switzerland of the dessert world – neutral in appearance but packing a powerful punch when it comes to flavor.

Now, don’t let the modest exterior fool you.

Dairy Belle might look like your average strip mall ice cream joint, but step inside and you’ll find yourself in a wonderland of frozen delights.

It’s like Mary Poppins’ bag – unassuming on the outside, but full of magic on the inside.

Let’s talk shakes, shall we?

These aren’t your run-of-the-mill, slapped-together milk and ice cream combos.

Oh no, these are carefully crafted creamy concoctions that’ll make your taste buds do the cha-cha.

They’ve got flavors ranging from classic vanilla (smoother than a jazz saxophone solo) to wild berry (more intense than a Florida thunderstorm).

But here’s where Dairy Belle really shines – they’ve got a secret weapon.

It’s called the “Avalanche,” and let me tell you, it lives up to its name.

It’s like a blizzard, a landslide, and a sugar rush all rolled into one.

You choose your ice cream, then they mix in your choice of candy or cookies.

The result?

A dessert that’s more exciting than finding a quarter in your couch cushions.

And the best part?

You can enjoy your frozen fantasy while sitting outside, basking in the Florida sun.

Just be warned – between the brain freeze from the shake and the heat stroke from the sun, you might end up more confused than a snowbird during rush hour.

So, if you find yourself in Dania Beach with a hankering for something sweet and a desire to pretend you’re in a 1950s soda shop (minus the poodle skirts and plus the air conditioning), Dairy Belle is your spot.

Just remember to bring your sweet tooth and maybe a pair of elastic-waisted pants.

Trust me, you’ll need both.

6. Sloan’s Ice Cream (West Palm Beach)

Hold onto your sweet teeth, folks, because we’re about to dive into the Willy Wonka-esque wonderland that is Sloan’s Ice Cream in West Palm Beach.

This place isn’t just an ice cream shop; it’s what would happen if a unicorn ate too much cotton candy and then sneezed all over a candy store.

First things first – the decor.

Imagine if Barbie’s Dream House and a confetti cannon had a baby, and that baby grew up to be an ice cream parlor.

That’s Sloan’s.

It’s pinker than a flamingo’s blush and more sparkly than a disco ball factory.

Walking in is like stepping into a kaleidoscope, if kaleidoscopes were edible and came with sprinkles.

Now, let’s talk shakes.

These aren’t your grandma’s milkshakes (unless your grandma was a magical dessert wizard, in which case, can we meet her?).

Sloan’s shakes are thicker than a Florida humidity and more indulgent than buying yourself a yacht because it’s Tuesday.

They come in flavors that sound like they were invented by a sugar-high five-year-old with a chemistry set – and I mean that as the highest compliment.

But here’s the kicker – Sloan’s doesn’t just stop at crazy flavors.

Oh no, they go full Willy Wonka.

We’re talking shakes topped with entire slices of cake, cookies bigger than your face, and enough whipped cream to make a dairy cow blush.

It’s not just a milkshake; it’s a structural engineering marvel.

And the best part?

While you’re sipping on your liquid dessert, you can watch actual candy being made right in front of you.

It’s like a sugar-fueled episode of “How It’s Made,” except you get to eat the results.

So, if you find yourself in West Palm Beach and you’re in the mood for a shake that’s more extra than a soap opera villain, Sloan’s is your spot.

Just remember to bring your camera (for the ‘gram, obviously) and maybe a pair of sunglasses – that pink decor is no joke.

And who knows?

You might just leave with a sugar high so intense, you’ll swear you can see sound.

Well, folks, there you have it – a whirlwind tour of Florida’s most fantastically retro milkshake spots.

Remember, life’s short.

Eat dessert first, especially if it comes in a glass and requires a straw and a spoon!