Layoffs Continue: Davis Cafe Workers Lose Jobs to Eerily Human-Looking AI Robots

UNION – Programmed to swipe cat cards, kindly ask how your day is, and inform you that you still have a dollar left, these state-of-the-art AI workers have been heralded as, “the future of automation at Davidson.” They might even tell a witty joke once in awhile via a process known as machine learning, as they’ve been coded with text files of old Yowl issues. These two robots will be given human names like Diane and John and their faces will look exactly like the former Davis Cafe workers that students have come to love. “You won’t even notice the difference!” exclaimed trustee Ken Morris. There is no word yet on how Davidson plans to reassign the actual human workers whose jobs have now been rendered obsolete. Perhaps they can restock these new fancy schmancy vending machines.